Sunday
Nov272005
Debbie Downer and the Six Thinking Hats

I'm starting to promote myself as a productivity coach, and I had strange experience recently at a holiday party. While talking to a neighbor about full-time consulting, I noticed that all her comments were extremely negative, including such classics as "You can't make enough money doing that," "You'll have to put in too many hours," and "You won't find enough business." These were all spewed out in the space of about one minute. Bleh!
I had two reactions, and thankfully they helped to moderate this person's toxic effects on me (which I'm pretty certain she was unaware of - I believe she felt she was helping). The first reaction was a little internal chuckle as I remembered the Saturday Night Live character Debbie Downer, whose comments in conversations are always depressingly negative (e.g., "By the way, it's official...I can't have children.") And I had a live one!
My second reaction was to think of this person's response in terms of Edward de Bono's Six Thinking Hats, which I've been working though lately. (There's a nice summary a the Mind Tools site.) I'm new to de Bono's ideas, but it sounded like my neighbor was using both her Red Hat (gut reaction and emotion - she thought it would be hard, and a bad idea), and her Black Hat (caution and negative aspects - this is dangerous, and won't work out). Interestingly, I found that simply identifying these perspectives was freeing, and helped to modulate my reaction to her. In other words, it gave me some needed perspective, something David Allen calls "the slipperiest and most valuable commodity."
I found a refreshing contrast in the book Getting started in consulting by Alan Weiss. He says that these kinds of responses are typical, but:
Have you encountered any Debbie Downers (or Bob Bummers) lately?
I had two reactions, and thankfully they helped to moderate this person's toxic effects on me (which I'm pretty certain she was unaware of - I believe she felt she was helping). The first reaction was a little internal chuckle as I remembered the Saturday Night Live character Debbie Downer, whose comments in conversations are always depressingly negative (e.g., "By the way, it's official...I can't have children.") And I had a live one!
My second reaction was to think of this person's response in terms of Edward de Bono's Six Thinking Hats, which I've been working though lately. (There's a nice summary a the Mind Tools site.) I'm new to de Bono's ideas, but it sounded like my neighbor was using both her Red Hat (gut reaction and emotion - she thought it would be hard, and a bad idea), and her Black Hat (caution and negative aspects - this is dangerous, and won't work out). Interestingly, I found that simply identifying these perspectives was freeing, and helped to modulate my reaction to her. In other words, it gave me some needed perspective, something David Allen calls "the slipperiest and most valuable commodity."
I found a refreshing contrast in the book Getting started in consulting by Alan Weiss. He says that these kinds of responses are typical, but:
The problem is that if you educate yourself incorrectly at the outset, you're vulnerable to successfully meeting the exact wrong set of expectations. You will have brilliantly achieved a sorry state.Also related: Adam Khan, in his book Self-help stuff that works, says "Sometimes you shouldn't listen," and gives examples of highly successful people who persevered in spite of early discouragement (he cites Winston Churchill, Charles Darwin, and George Washington). He suggests most people are trying to help by attempting to protect you from failure. However, he says failure is just another learning experience. This resonates with Allen's Principle 52: "The biggest successes come from the most failures" (from Ready for Anything: 52 Productivity Principles for Work and Life).
Have you encountered any Debbie Downers (or Bob Bummers) lately?